Today

Today, is the burial.... For the past 4 days, i've been telling myself, be strong for others and your family, because they need you.... Be strong, be of good courage... Until now, emotions and tears i've managed to hold back, but only for how long? I've not even dared to look at her face, for fear of all emotions rushing back, threatening to engulf me in sorrow, choking me with tears.... How can I not feel sad? She was a strong inspiration to others, even to me.... It's not easy battling cancer for 20 odd years, and yet, always having a smile to brighten up people's day...

I don't know, I think I might let go of my restraint later in the day... The wake will be held at 10am, the funeral soon after... That would be the last time I would ever get to see her in flesh, or at least what remains after the enbalming process...

But Dear Lord, please help my family and relatives to get through this time, just let them grieve for the person that we loved so much, and please stop all the nonsensical talking behind people's back and all those things we could do without, at a time like this....

Thank you for asking how I felt, and for comforting me before and after service... It's just that I have so many things on my mind, I do not know what to talk about anymore...

Be strong Ivan, for those that you love, Be strong....