Running....

Running at night is shiok man... I think its a new thing, after I started running with joe and nick... But seriously, running at night is not only cooler, but it gives you more time to think about things and theres also less people... I was almost ending my run around my place when C called.. After my run, we talked about quite a lot of things.... Its quite interesting/frustrating(depending on how your outlook is lah) to know how people actually start talking about say, you and someone else just because they saw you talking or hanging out with that particular someone... I mean, is it not possible to be just normal friends and enjoy talking to each other and each other's company? It irks me sometimes, but I try to explain it to people. If they do not understand/don't believe, then well, suck thumb lah....

Anyway, Grace Lee and Daniel and Lizzie are back... I do hope to be able to catch up with them before they have to go back... I do hope that I would not have to go overseas for super long like to study etc, maybe because there are too many things/people I might have to give up to do so... Well, its all in God's perfect plan and i'm really trying to trust God in the things I do, the decisions I make and the things that I say to people... I should stop relying on my own feeble human strength, and start drawing on God's abundant grace and mercy... I had a good talk with another friend and I said that I felt inadequate to handle something... This person said something like when we entrust our problems to God, and let Him work through us, nobody/nothing is too difficult for us to handle... God uses imperfect creatures to do His perfect Will... :)

Thanks for talking about it. Although it came at a very bad and difficult time, I trust that God wanted me to learn something through it, and I did. For taking the initiative, I thank you.. :)

Today

Today, is the burial.... For the past 4 days, i've been telling myself, be strong for others and your family, because they need you.... Be strong, be of good courage... Until now, emotions and tears i've managed to hold back, but only for how long? I've not even dared to look at her face, for fear of all emotions rushing back, threatening to engulf me in sorrow, choking me with tears.... How can I not feel sad? She was a strong inspiration to others, even to me.... It's not easy battling cancer for 20 odd years, and yet, always having a smile to brighten up people's day...

I don't know, I think I might let go of my restraint later in the day... The wake will be held at 10am, the funeral soon after... That would be the last time I would ever get to see her in flesh, or at least what remains after the enbalming process...

But Dear Lord, please help my family and relatives to get through this time, just let them grieve for the person that we loved so much, and please stop all the nonsensical talking behind people's back and all those things we could do without, at a time like this....

Thank you for asking how I felt, and for comforting me before and after service... It's just that I have so many things on my mind, I do not know what to talk about anymore...

Be strong Ivan, for those that you love, Be strong....